Reframing the Chaos

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July 17, 2014 by Isaac Hovet

This blog entry is worry reading. She challenges me to have retroactive faith: seeing God at work in my past.

Amazingly Annie

I saw my therapist this morning. It was an interesting session that left me thinking about a lot of things…and specifically about many people who impacted my early life…

It began simply with a realization that I experience anger as self-loathing. I rarely get angry with others, but I very often feel contempt and disgust for myself. I realize that I just take whatever anger I am feeling and focus it on me. That for some reason I deserve to hate myself. 

My mom did the best she could. She had her own problems, her own issues to contend with when I was small. I grew up feeling as though I didn’t really exist to her. Her inaction in my life left me vulnerable to several predatory pedophiles. I spent many years blaming her for not protecting me — thinking that she didn’t love me enough to fight for me…

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