March 20, 2005 by Isaac Hovet

Why are people such flakes?

I hosted a meeting tonight . . . several people gave verbal confirmation that they would be in attendance . . . 1 person showed . . .

It discourages me . . . makes me wonder if it is me . . . (don’t post some affirmation comment . . . I am not asking for that)

I guess I have been a flake enough times to be considered having a huge plank in my eye . . . I just hope that I have whittled down this plank to be more of a splinter . . . I hereby give you all permission to tell me when I am a big flake . . . I don’t want to be a hypocrite . . .

Ever notice that I use the ” . . . ” a lot?

Hmmm . . . I think it is when I am writing on the go without a total sense of where I am going . . . I do it so you know when I am pausing in my thoughts . . .

I am still working on the Glass interview . . . Anybody listen to the other audio post? Any thoughts?

Well, tomorrow begins my newest eating adventure (I kinda started today). I am sure that I will tell you all about it. I am really hoping that I am able to gain some control. I would appreciate whatever prayers you can muster . . . Thanks.

We had some friends lose their 3 day old baby this last week . . . I don’t even know what to say to that. I shed more than a few tears on their behalf . . . They are so strong through it all . . . they have true faith . . .

For those of you with kids: Hug ’em. Love ’em. Play with ’em.

God: Teach me through this. Help me to understand your ways. Please be graceful to A & C. Thank you for my lil’ girl and lil’ mister. I am humbled that mine remain while others do not. Please help me to raise them right.


8 thoughts on “Flakes

  1. Anonymous says:

    To even hear of a loss like that makes everything else seem so small. Jesus, thank you for your tender heart. Send Your comforter.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I got out of our prayer last night that C is really struggling through some things too…you kept coming into my thoughts last night and I was praying for you. Will keep praying…

  3. Bridger says:

    Thank you all for praying.

  4. Dominique says:

    Hey, just as an FYI about the Oregon culture.

    In Oregon people find standing others up as completely acceptable.

    In fact, if you do not stand someone up occasionally you are showing you are too eager to be their friend. In this state, there are few sins larger than being over eager to be someone’s friend. Do not take this personally. Many people here do not understand that this behaviour is considered rude in most other states.

    Sorry they didn’t show up. Hopefully it will work out better for you in the future.

  5. Bridger says:

    -The following was written with a smile on my face-

    ‘Nique . . . interesting perspective.

    I simply can’t resist arguing with you (who I know can hold her own) over this:

    I can’t imagine that we are that loose in our culture. Perhaps in Latin America (where one sets a meeting for 1 PM and it begins promptly at 4 PM), but in our high paced, calendar controlled society, people should be able to make meetings that they have committed to. Failure to do so communicates immaturity way before it communicates being an Oregonian

    I am not over eager to make friends, but am looking for some young people who can be true to their word . . .

    I guess I wasn’t clear that I had this meeting catered and communicated to people that I needed a head count . . . they all said a “definite yes.”

    If something comes up I just want to be communicated with . . . I had to call these people . . .

    So, out of curiosity, where do you base your “cultural nomratives” from? Purely experience?

    Is this “norm” simply an excuse to not have to commit to anyone or thing?

    I have lived in Oregon for 21 out of my 26 years and have never known of this custom.

    So, I guess I have something to learn from this . . . I just hope embracing this custom doesn’t cost me friends, a job or an opportunity to be a part of something that isn’t about me.

  6. Lioness says:

    Bridger, I’d have to agree with you on this one. Just because it is common, doesn’t make it right. It demonstrates a laziness without accountability that has become rampant in our culture. By accepting this “custom among Oregonians” (eg, not take offense), it gives it permission to breed within people. That, right there, would become a serious and detrimental service to all of us.

  7. Dominique says:

    Warning: The following posting is full of gross generalizations that Oregonians may find offensive. Bring it on.

    Dear Lioness and Bridger,

    I never ever ever said it was right. I do not accept this and 9 times out of 10 I will notify people if I am late or unable to attend a meeting. I believe I said it is rude. Personally, I find it an annoying idiosyncrasy of this state.

    I observe this particular cultural normative on experience with Oregonians and in comparison to experiences with non-Oregonians. I have also collected feedback from other non-Oregonians who are bewildered by how often they are stood up by friends.

    The fact that you have lived in Oregon 21 of 26 years makes it clear to me that you may not observe this, because of the exposure to Oregon.

    I am not from Oregon and it will never be my home. I come from a combination of several different state cultures. In most places, I have not been treated with such reluctant caring. As a terrible generalization, I notice that many Oregonians are not interested and often resist caring for people on a way that may impose on them. For example, committing to meetings may impose on someone if something better comes along, or being asked to help with someone move or fix a flat tire.

    Outsiders find Oregonians friendlier, in general. However, for an outsider that friendliness is skin deep. Most people from Oregon won’t let you into their lives, hearts, and won’t care if they are rude to you and stand you up for a meeting. They will be taken aback if you hold them to their commitments to you. Don’t ask too much from them. Unfortunately for them, they will miss out on all the good things that go with letting you into their lives.

  8. Dominique, I appreciate your astute observation. What you are describing is something that I have both observed and participated in. It is something that “gets up my nose”… even when I am guilty of having the same heart as the people who do this often.
    It never crossed my mind that this could be unique (-ish) to Oregon. Though as you describe it, it lines up well with our very self-focused culture.
    I have been offended at the emaciating lack of community that exists in our neighborhoods and churches. Yet, I am guilty of not jumping to the front of the line when there is a call for volunteers. I believe it stems from our fallacious belief that we each have our “own” truth to live and that the only universal sin is to interrupt someone else’s pursuit of their personal fulfillment. This world view is probably more prevalent in Oregon than many other places. “Skin deep” is totally correct… often our kindness is the veneer that we use to keep people at a “comfortable” distance. We like comfort. We are tempted, and even culturally permitted to recoil into our happy holes in the ground. With one’s head in the ground its easier to pretend that no one is bothered by what you do… the whole time your butt is the only thing everyone else gets to see.

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